The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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