The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
