College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
