im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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