apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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