is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
