i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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