I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
