Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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