I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
