I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
