Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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