No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
