There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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