Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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