Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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