Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
