This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
