his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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