I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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