Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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