after a month anything with tits is on the radar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
