the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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