Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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