mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My life is pants optional.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
