Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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