I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
