yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
