im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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