you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
