no, he came in my armpit
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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