My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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