ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
