I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
