You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
