You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ketchup is God's man juice
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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