I hate your face
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
