he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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