She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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