you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
