My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
