Acid is not a monday night drug
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
