omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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