I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
