she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
