New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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