i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
