Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
