do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
