yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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