Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
